fun-filled day

zac has kept me busy this summer. each night before bed, he'll ask what we're doing tomorrow. and each time i answer, he'll ask "yeah but what else are we going to do?" i'm constantly having to rack my brain for new ideas and ways to keep this boy entertained. so last monday we woke up and zac started choosing some popsicle sticks out of our little "boredom buster" jar...and he picked out a whole bunch of sticks and REALLY wanted to do all of the activities. really??? i thought? it would be so much easier to just say, "oh we'll do that tomorrow zac." tomorrow, tomorrow, tomorrow. i catch myself saying that a lot...and i'm realizing that tomorrow never comes. so we might as well just start doing things today. and so we did.

we invited our family over and spray painted our hair...then we had a pudding pie eating contest...

we painted our faces...well zac did atleast. emerson painted her body while kalle & grady watched.

we painted pictures...

we played with waterballoons...

we splashed around in the pool...

ate otter pops...

had a barbeque and enjoyed being together! such a fun day it was...

donut falls

on saturday, we decided to get some fresh air and made our way up big cottonwood canyon to donut falls. i can't believe that in the last 20 years that i've spent living in utah, i've never been up this canyon! it has got to be one of my favorites...and this hike was so great for our little family. the kids loved playing in the water, throwing rocks, and looking for chipmunks...and i savored every minute of our time in the beautiful outdoors. this will definitely be a yearly activity from here on out. :)

back to blogging...for real this time!

so here we are 2 months down the road and i'm feeling guilty that it's really been this long since i have posted. really, for the sake of documenting our life together as a family, i need to be better. life has been busy...and i'm pretty sure that's just how life with kids is. so i can't just sit around waiting for the calm to appear before i do a little catching up on this thing...otherwise it really would never happen.

to be honest, having three kids has thrown me for a loop. i don't know if any of it has to do with crew's situation & the underlying stress that has come with it...but it has been quite the adjustment for me. maybe part of it is that as i've been trying to "simplify" my life, i've stopped doing some of the things i love. i've decided that simplifying doesn't mean doing only those things that absolutely need to be done...it means doing the things i love in a simplified way. but i'm struggling with it because i like to do things well...i like to make things nice...but sometimes i feel like there's just not enough time for me to do it all...finding the balance between spending quality time with my kids, housework, laundry, shopping, doctor appointments, cooking, exercising, & my hobbies has turned out to be a challenge for me...and so i end up spending time trying to entertain my kids & keep the house somewhat clean...that i don't take much time for anything else. but i'm ready to snap out of it & start living a more balanced life! one day at a time... :)

many of you are probably wondering how crew is doing...and considering everything that he's been through, he's doing great! it's been so long since i've updated this blog, so basically here's what's happened since the last post: crew had gone over a month without any seizures, (this was back around the beginning of may) so we began to ween him off of one of the three medications he was on at the time, that went great. he was completely off of it, so we began to decrease a second medication & this time it didn't go quite so well. his seizures started up again & we spent a good solid week of adjusting and reintroducing the medications. he got back to being on all three medications & was still having seizures...as many as 20 a day. his seizures had changed from the twitching in his face, hand, & foot to twitching only in his face & then they'd cause him to gag & dry heave...which is never fun to watch. he was readmitted to primary's for 4 days until we got the seizures under control again...he left the hospital on some pretty large doses of three anti-seizure meds. once again, he went almost a month without any seizures and then they started to breakthrough again. so we started making adjustments again around the end of june...and that's what we're still doing. more blood tests have been done & everything is still coming back negative, which isn't a bad thing necessarily...seeing as how it's a relief to know he doesn't have any of those rare diseases. however, it still would be nice to have some answers as to why he's having these seizures, whether or not he'll outgrow them, and what we can do to treat them. a good thing happened this week though...we introduced a fourth medication called Keppra...and so far he hasn't had any seizures. you'd think that four medications would do the trick! we're slowly taking him off one of the other meds...and we're really really hoping that we can get him down to 1 or 2 medications. it's crazy, i tell you. this little boy is just so strong & he takes it like a champ. he goes in for another EEG tomorrow, hopefully it will provide some more information about what is going on his little brain.

we also just started working with the early childhood intervention program. we have a GREAT therapist coming 2-3 times a month to work with crew and help increase his strength. she is such a good lady & has been doing this for over 32 years. she's so good to focus on crew's strengths. seeing as how he's been on medication since he was 2 days old & some of the medicine decreases muscle tone, he requires some extra attention. he's doing so well though!! the last month he's started being able to lift his head up when he's on his stomach...it's been fun to watch him get stronger and stronger as we work with him. and he's getting more interactive each day...such a smiley boy, i can't get enough of it! i've always been a lover of my babies' smiles...but this one gets me all teary nearly every time i see it. maybe it's because i feel like it's his way of saying "i'm okay mom...life is good, really!" you just always want your kids to be happy and enjoy life and to know that you'll do whatever it takes to make sure that they're taken care of. how do you convey that to a sweet little baby? and how do you know that they're aware of the love you have for them? i get my reassurance from this sweet boy's smile...it's the best...

our life as of lately

believe it or not, we actually are alive! just too busy for blogging, that's all. :) crew is doing great...especially in terms of weight gain & i LOVE it! at his 2 month checkup, he weighed in at 12 pounds 2 ounces! woo hoo! everyone comments on his cheeks & i can't blame them...they're perfect for kissing!

as far as his seizures go...that's a different story. he came home from the hospital on 3 different medications plus vitamin b-6. they worked great...he didn't have any seizures for about 3 weeks. our goal was to have him weened down to 1 medication by the end of may. in the process of weening him off the 2 meds...he started having seizures again. so for the past 2 weeks or so, we've been increasing one med & decreasing another & seriously it's a good thing that i've been charting everything because i can't keep anything straight anymore. it's been crazy. he's back on all 3 meds now & we're really just hoping to get the seizures under control. we will...it's just a matter of time. i'm learning patience, that's for sure. :)

may 9th was quite the eventful day at our house this year. it was emerson's 3rd birthday, crew's blessing, & mother's day! it was a very memorable day...

here emmy sat on the stairs for a good 5 minutes before she decided that it was okay to come down and see what she got for her birthday. she's a stubborn little thing...cute, but stubborn! and this is emmy's way of showing how old she is on her fingers...pretty clever!

a few months back, emerson wanted a "yocca" (soccer) party...why, i have no idea, it was so random. but she was sold on having a "yocca potty". i wasn't too excited about throwing her a soccer party, but i would if that was what she really wanted. so, i was glad when she switched her mind to max & ruby...seeing as how it is the first thing on her mind every morning...and her show of choice whenever she has one, it seemed a better choice because she LOVES it!! the only thing about that is that there are no max & ruby party supplies anywhere which made it a bit more challenging, but we got a little creative & emerson was happy!

i was bad & didn't get many pictures of crew on his blessing day, but he made his little blessing outfit look good! chad gave him such a nice blessing & it really turned out to be a great day with family...

home and healthy

finally our life is feeling a bit more normal again! after 8 days back at the hospital, crew has been home from primary's since last wednesday...and he has been doing great! we haven't noticed any seizing, so the medications seem to be doing their job for now...and we are so happy about it! while we were at primary's, crew underwent quite a bit of testing...a spinal tap, multiple blood tests, another MRI, and a 4th ongoing EEG which lasted 2 days...meaning the poor kid was hooked up to all those wires for 48 hours. not fun...but he really did great! all of the tests have come back completely normal so far...which is encouraging, but at the same time, we are left not knowing what has exactly caused crew to have the seizures. however, in the bit of research we have done, 30% of babies that are born with seizures are left undiagnosed...and eventually they do grow out of them. so we will keep our fingers crossed and hope that crew will outgrow them as well. it is encouraging to know that there is medication out there to help control the seizures if that's not the case. we are so grateful that he's so healthy otherwise...just perfect really! we love him like crazy...

our little trooper

Alright, I'm doing this from my iPhone, so hopefully it works. Just wanted to post a quick update on crew for those friends and family members who have been wondering how he's doing.

We were finally able to bring crew home from the hospital last Friday...and it was one of the happiest days of my life! I was starting to feel trapped at the hospital we were at, and for different reasons, i wasn't completely confident in their ability to monitor and treat crew for the issues he was having. Zac and Emerson loved having crew home...Emmy is great at ignoring her parents and smothering him with kisses ALL day long. Zac prides himself in the fact that he has the "magic" that gets crew to sleep...they both have been very sweet to their baby brother...Such happy times! :) Here's Crew on our drive home...

On Monday we had an appointment with a pediatric neurologist at primary's. At the appointment, the dr. increased crew's phenobarbital dosage to help with the seizures because he had started having a few more earlier that day. He also did another EEG and said that crew really did seem completely healthy and he saw no major issues...good news. We were hoping that with the increased medication level, that the seizures would stop once again...but unfortunately they didn't.

Here's Crew getting his 4th EEG...they put 20+ electric probes on his head to monitor his brain activity & then tape his head up so the probes don't fall off, pretty cute...

Yesterday (Wednesday), Crew had atleast 13 seizures. They were lasting anywhere from 2-3 minutes. Once again, they aren't crazy violent seizures, just suttle twitching in his face, hands, and feet. We called the neurologist around 7 last night, and he told us that he wanted to admit crew to Primary Children's hospital...so that's what we did. It was a crazy late night...Chad and I are trying to function on 2-4 hours of sleep...and we're doing a pretty good job so far! Crew is doing great, the poor kid is such a trooper. I feel so bad for him having to be poked and prodded all over so often...but that's what needs to be done, so I can't complain too much. He had a spinal tap around 3 this afternoon and the doctors said he did great, he actually fell asleep once they got the needle inserted...I'm telling you, he's such a strong boy! He weighs 9 lbs. 6 oz. now and is just so dang cute with his little double chin! I've never had such a chubby baby before, zac & emerson were both pretty small & it was stressful at times, so I'm very thankful that this little boy likes his food so much...one less thing to worry about!!

Here he is just a few hours before we took him into primary's...He was so happy & content just sitting in his crib, soaking up some sun while looking at all the dots everywhere.

So as of now, we will be here atleast until Saturday...maybe longer depending on what we find out. We have some of the best doctors that we are working with and just hope that we'll be able to get some answers and figure out what exactly is causing these seizures to occur. Crew is in good hands, and we're so grateful for that!

and here's our little sleepy head of a trooper today...

Thanks for your thoughts and prayers...it always helps!! :)

the latest on crew

it's crazy to think that crew is already 2 weeks old!! time has flown by...but at the same time, it's seemed like an eternity...especially when it comes to leaving him there at the hospital. we really just want this little boy home. we were hoping to be able to bring home today, but he had another little seizure on saturday, so we need to keep working with the doctors to get his medication at the right level. i think most people get scared when they hear the word "seizure"...and i'm hear to tell you that these are minor seizures that crew is having...they're enough to notice if you're holding or observing him, but if you weren't right there, you would have no idea it was happening. the nurses in the NICU are busy, i understand that...but i have felt all along that they weren't watching crew as closely as they should be. i had walked into the NICU a couple of times to find his head covered with a blanket (to help him sleep better). obviously they can't be watching for seizing if he is covered up. so now crew is in an incubator...his body is fully exposed...and he LOVES it!! it's so funny to see him all sprawled out in there & it makes me feel better knowing that he's so comfortable. he's off of oxygen...which personally, i never really felt like he needed to be on in the first place. the day that they put him back on oxygen, i found 2 huge crusty boogers up his nose, so obviously he wasn't breathing well. i talked to the nurses and asked them to please check his nose before they put him back on oxygen this time...so hopefully they'll do that. i really do appreciate all the nurses are doing to help our sweet boy...they are great...but no one can love your baby like you would, so it will be nice when we can bring him home and just cuddle & love him as much as we want...

crew is scheduled to have an MRI this morning...which will give us more information & help us rule other things out. as for now, it's a waiting game...waiting for the blood around his little brain to reabsorb...and waiting to get the medicine at the right level so that he doesn't seize anymore. this medicine is a hard one to regulate...so we're slowly increasing it & hoping to get it figured out soon. :)

these pictures are from yesterday afternoon...he was wide eyed most of the day & just so dang cute!! don't you want to just squeeze him like crazy & eat him up??!! i do...

he had lots to say to mom & dad yesterday...we love hearing those little baby coos...

zac saying "i love you" to his little brother. even though it's fun for the kids to see crew through the window, it's not quite cutting it anymore. when we told emmy that she could go up to the hospital to see crew through the window, she said, "i not yike the window!" they are getting so anxious to be able to hold him again...and i don't blame them!! :)

this has been quite the experience for our little family. i'm learning to take it a day at a time...and to count my blessings. i have so much to be grateful for...and by taking time to recognize those things each day, i'm finding the strength i need to get through this little experience...which down the road really will seem so brief...thank goodness!

so happy to have him...

Crew Michael Field
Sunday, February 28th @ 7:05 p.m.
8 pounds, 20 1/2 inches

this week has been a busy one...full of all sorts of emotions. we couldn't be happier to have this little boy join our family. he is soooo sweet and has such a tender spirit...he has already brought so much happiness into our lives & we are so incredibly grateful to have him.

like i said, this week has been a bit crazy, so i'll try and give a quick overview of what's gone on. sunday morning i put the kids in the tub around 9 and started having contractions. they were about 3 minutes apart. after 2 hours of this, i called labor & delivery to see what they recommended and they told me to stay home as long as i could handle the pain...so that is what i did, stayed home and kept busy by cleaning, vacuuming, and baking cookies. my sisters & mom drove up to be with the kids & we got to the hospital around 3:30. i was dilated to a 5 & about 90% effaced. then you know how it goes, epidural & all that. around 6:50, i began pushing. crew's little heart beat dropped down to around 50, and i could tell the doctor was getting a bit stressed. after pushing through 4 contractions & crew's heart beat continuing to go down, the doctor decided to use a vacuum to help with the delivery. and sure enough, he came right out...thank goodness!!

on monday i started noticing that every once in a while (like once every 3 hours) crew would start twitching. it was a rhythmic twitch that would last about a minute or so & it wasn't something i remembered seeing with zac & emerson. i asked the nurses about it, and they told me that it was just normal newborn behavior...their nervous systems aren't completely developed and it's nothing to worry about. but something didn't seem right to me. monday night around 10:30 a nurse came in to take crew to the nursery to check all of his vitals & i mentioned the twitches to her...she also kind of dismissed my concern & assured me it really wasn't something to worry about. 15 minutes later, the nurse came back & told me that she saw him twitching & agreed that it wasn't normal. she called the pediatrician, crew was admitted to the N.I.C.U. & they ran some tests that night. tuesday morning, they confirmed that crew was experiencing minor seizures due to a slight hemorrhage surrounding his little brain...(the hemorrhage was caused by the vacuum). they started crew on some anti-seizure medicine which has been great. as far as we know, he hasn't had a seizure since tuesday morning at 11. this monday, they will run another test to make sure that the seizures really have stopped...and then we'll go from there...figuring out how long to keep him on the medication...(he needs to stay on the medication until the little amount of blood that is surrounding around his brain is fully reabsorbed) hopefully, he'll be home sometime next week, but you just never know, so we're trying not to get our hopes up too high. he really is doing so well though & the doctors are very hopeful & optimistic that there are no major problems or issues.

thanks to dad field being here with zac & emerson, chad & i have spent about 6 hours a day up at the hospital with our little crew. at times i feel torn, but this is our reality right now & so i'm trying to make the most of it...but it hasn't been easy. i love my little family & really, i just want for all of us to be together under the same roof. i know that it will happen soon, but it feels like an eternity...

so excited to have a brother...

and just as excited to be a big sister...no wait, according to emmy, she is the "mommy" and supposedly i am "emmy"...funny girl!

this is crew when he was first admitted to the N.I.C.U....i'll have to post some more pictures of him now though because he doesn't look like this anymore. he really looks like a perfectly healthy baby...he is still hooked up to the oxygen because the medicine he is on makes him sleepy which causes him to not breathe as well, but we're in the process of getting that regulated though, so it's not really a concern. poor boy...i'm glad he won't remember this...

chad is such a dedicated dad. he loves our kids so much & i love him for that...

i'll try to be better about keeping everyone posted...we should know more at the beginning of the week. please keep little crew in your prayers... ;)

surviving

you know that you're MORE than ready to have a baby when:

you're peeing literally 25+ times a day ... your wardrobe consists of 1 pair of jeans & 3 shirts ... you cry just thinking or talking about being pregnant for much longer, probably scaring away most of your neighbors & family, seriously not stable at this point in time ... none of your shoes fit, except one pair & even those are tight ... you haven't been able to take your wedding ring off for over a month ... a nice lady at church goes out of her way to stop and tell you that you MUST take pictures of your belly because one day you will forget how big you are & people will not believe that you got so big ... you try jumping on the trampoline with your kids, only to find it wasn't such a good idea, and crap, you only have one pair of jeans ... just getting your shoes and socks on for the day should be considered a workout .

so for those of you who are wondering how i'm doing...to be honest, i'm surviving. every day for the past week and a half have been the longest days of my life. i think part of it is because zac & emerson both came 2 weeks early....so i've really worked myself up into believing that this little guy would come early as well. but no...here we are, getting closer to my due date, and i haven't progressed for the last 3 weeks. i'm almost dilated to a 3 & 70% effaced, but literally, i've been that way for almost a month, so it really doesn't mean much. :(

i'm scheduled to be induced monday morning at 7...and although i'm really not crazy about the idea of being induced, i think i'd prefer that over keeping this baby inside me much longer. i'm done, and that's all there is to it people. so please start sending positive vibes & thoughts my way...really, he needs to come out...like soon!! :)

heather's bridals

my sister heather was brave enough to let me take her bridals...which was fun....AND stressful, i won't lie! but she was a beautiful bride, and we ended up with some pretty shots...all credited to her! :) here's just a few...

a little storytime

i was shocked the other day when instead of sitting on the counter and getting into all of my makeup while i got ready, emerson came up with the idea of snuggling up on my bed to read some stories...she sat there & read for a good 20 minutes, which is so not like her usually! i had to sneak a few shots...